OK. It’s 10.30am and I am ready for that highlight of the Doyle Women calendar – the Melbourne Food and Wine Show!
It’s a tradition that’s been in place since I came here in 2005. I am ready for the challenge.
The usual rules apply:
- Wear comfy shoes and layers – it’s a tough day;
- Bring an old lady’s shopping trolley on wheels to save us carrying all those freebies;
- Have a decent breakfast or lunch before starting in the wine tasting section;
- Do not make any serious plans for the evening;
- Don’t buy anything bulky too early or you will have to carry it all day
- Don’t buy the first thing you see – there will be plenty of opportunity to empty your purse
- Don’t spend all day in the first three rows of stalls
- No pamphlets, show bags full of tins of tomatoes and 50 cent pasta, or magazines
- Try everything you are offered (note: this applies only to food – see next rule).
- Only taste one wine per stall
- Less talking, more drinking
- Do not try to sound knowledgeable or even interested – the stall people can see you are drunk.
- Do not try to make friends with the other people tasting wine – this is wasting time.
- Don’t buy ANYTHING after the first half hour – you are drunk by then
- Ask the nice man to write the name of the wine down. You will not remember anything (much)
- Do not stand Orlando up afterwards, but respect his kind offer of a lift home and try not to be a disastrous drunk!
I shall report back later. Wish me luck!